Letters To My Lover
by CananaBananalism
Summary: Its gone. Her home, her future, her life - all gone, with one flash and a time lapse. Gen knows what to do, knows she needs to find her baby, but she doesn't know where to go, where to start. As she searches for her way back to the last bit of her old life left, Gen finds more than she ever had before the bombs fell. / i plan on changing the summary at some point /
1. Chapter 1

_**GO ON**_ \- _bare_ your **TEETH** at me.

I'll **PULL** them _o u t_

 ** _one_** by _**one.**_

* * *

It's gone.

Her home, her future, her _life_ \- all gone, with one small flash and a time lapse.

She remembered waking up that morning, joining Nate for a shower, like he always wanted, and she had been ready to go to her former boss to ask for her job back since Nate was struggling to find work. She had put on her most modest wear, done her makeup, her hair, looked stunning if she did say so herself.

But that was gone too, smeared across the palms of her hands and the knees of her jumpsuit. The moon taunted her as she wept, curled in a ball in the back of a rusted out Vault-Tec van; she couldn't move when she came out, too weak and covered in what remained of the pests inside the Vault. She didn't know what she expected above ground, but she had expected better than a torn sky-line and the empty skeletons of her old neighborhood beneath her feet.

What was she going to do? How could anyone be alive out there? She had never even seen dirt on her dress, how could she possibly make it through a valley she no longer recognized? What could be waiting out there, if there was anything at all - she didn't want to know, she didn't want to be the last one, the last thing. This world couldn't possibly be alive anymore, everyone had to be gone, how could anyone live in this type of place?

She knows she _will_ have to try and get up at some point, see what moves in the night, because what if her baby was out there? What if there was someone out there, holding her baby hostage? How long had she been under? When did they take her baby? Did they release her to taunt her? Having just snatched her life away, did they want to watch the housewife squirm? They were mean, with a big gun and a scary man - she had put away men like that before the bombs, she didn't know how she managed through a case having to look them in the eyes, but she had and. . .and this would be no different. Okay, it was a lot different, because back then she had her knowledge and the law on her side, there couldn't possibly be a law out here, a court to hear her argument.

No.

No, there was just her. . .and the gun beside her.

She looked up, staring at the gun lying in the bed of the van beside her, glimmering almost in the light of the moon, and she heard the howl of a lone wolf.

* * *

Codsworth is alive!

She had never felt such a wash of relief before, but seeing him hovering in front of their old home was. . .it was a piece of her old life coming back to her. Even in this washed out street that had been her home, he brought her back to her senses a little, reminding her that, perhaps, not all was lost and that she could make it in this world.

Maybe.

Maybe she was hoping too much.

But he said there were still people, in Concord past the Red Rocket station; granted, they had shot at him, but if there were people like that, then there were people like her still out there. She just had to find them, and finding her baby fueled her, made her feel strong, made her actually feel like mopping up the tears and getting to work.

"Mum, if I remember correctly, Sir had hidden away some of your valuables in the safe beneath the washer, yes?" Codsworth floated soothingly in front of her.

Her eyes lit up a little, tears at the edges, and she smiled. "You're right, Codsworth, he did. Thank you so much. . ." she gave him one more smile. "I think I'll go see if there's anything useful in there."

"And I shall guard the home so you are not interrupted, Mum," he gave his version of a salute and went back to manning the dried up bushes to the left of the door.

Her home was not what she remembered. Of course, she didn't expect it to be white linens and a meal on the dining room table, but she didn't expect this hollowed out shell. They had been living in a small apartment in the inner city, until she gave birth to Shaun, because they already needed more room to handle their sweet baby. So Nate had looked around, found this lovely home and they settled immediately; she had never been so happy in her life, with a beautiful house, a beautiful baby. . .

The washer hadn't been moved, but it had been abused over the year and the door was hardly hanging on, old towels crumbling to dust inside the old drum; she could still remember the exact noise the washer had been making that morning so long ago. It had been squeaking, and she had told Nate to check it, perhaps the load had been unbalanced.

"He must not have closed it when he checked," she chuckled weakly, hands clasped in front of her. She sighed after a moment, placing her pistol on the floor and rolling up the sleeves of her jumpsuit. "No sense in thinking of any of that, there must be something left. . ."

Nate was paranoid, even before he had went into the army. He had built in the safe himself, put in tiles above that so no one could just move the washer and see it, like they would ever think to look there. But she was so thankful for that now, because he always put something in there every morning. She didn't see much, but she knows he put little boxes in, sometimes big boxes, to keep everything from being just a cluttered mess.

"Codsworth?" she called out, standing to her feet.

"Yes, Mum?" he hovered in front the front yard, lenses flexing behind the glass of his optics.

"Do you think there's a sledgehammer somewhere around here?"

He jolted a little, and then hummed. "I can search, Mum!"

She arched an eyebrow. "I mean, I can he -"

"Nonsense," he waved a pincer in front of her face. "You are tired, Mum, let me search and I will be back in a jiffy!"

Before she could say anything, he was already hustling out the door, leaving her to sigh and grab her gun from the floor. She entered her bedroom, sighing when she examined the busted out windows, her crumbling frame, the papers scattered and stuck to the floor. She set her gun on top of one of the dressers and proceeded to comb through them, finding two dresses still intact, one of Nate's shirts. . .rolled up just how he liked it, to fit more in the drawer, but this was the only one left.

She pulled it out, letting it unroll as she did so, smiling at the floral pattern; his _good time at a barbecue_ shirt. She hated it, but he loved it and she didn't put up a fuss when she would be wearing that violet dress he liked so much, with the pale dots across the hem. She held it close to her, closing her eyes because. . .if she tried hard enough. . .she could smell his cologne on the collar, the scent of detergent from a lost age. . .

There was a loud clatter in the hallway and she jumped, fingers tightening in the shirt in her hands. She set it on the top of the dresser and peered out the door, breathing a sigh of relief when she saw Codsworth and the promised sledgehammer.

"Mum, will this do?"

She picked it up and examined the handle, where it splintered off from wood rot. The rest of the handle was pretty sturdy, but after this. . .

"Yes, of course," she smiled, took a firm grip. "I don't want to hit you with this, so back up."

"Yes Mum!"

She nodded and raised it above her head, holding her breath, and swung it down. The tiles cracked, but didn't give yet, corroded at the edges, melted together. She sighed and raised the sledgehammer again, swinging it down once more and watching the tiles shatter and crumble around the knob of the safe. She smiled and dropped the sledgehammer, falling to her knees and beginning to brush away the debris.

"I can't believe that was actually tough," she shook her head. "It was so melted. . .was the blast that hot?"

Codsworth didn't say anything, just hovered behind her and she swallowed back her regret from not enforcing he join them. She just left him here, a robot that had become like family to her before she had to abandon him. But he hadn't moved that day. He had just sat there while they ran out, Shaun in Nate's arms, and he stared at the screen that had gone blank with cut news.

She put in the combination, one he used for everything, and when she opened it up, she could smell her perfume. Her favorite, a little stale, but still lilac and ginger. Her cheeks flushed a little and she started pulling out boxes, there were more than she expected, with other little things like money and documents that were totally worthless now; she doubted anyone would take dollar bills anymore, but she would keep them.

"Codsworth, grab some of the boxes and lets go to the couch," she shut the safe again, locking it and she bumped the washer back into place with her hip.

"But Mum, you did not get everything out," Codsworth complained as he plucked up a box; oh yeah, no hands.

"Some of it was just. . .birth certificates and ledger, notes from our parents. . ." _why would I need those anymore?_ "Besides, some of those were labeled for my birth day, I can wait for a week to get to those," _if I lasted a week._

Perfume.

The first box was her perfume, probably one of his random gifts. And she coated herself with it, spinning to make sure it got in her hair and all over her because she smelt like freezer burn and stale air and now, now she smelt more like herself again.

The second box, out of six, was a box of those chocolates from Belgium that she had been wanting since their honeymoon. The other boxes were trinkets, special for her and Shaun, like a silver rattle that was meant for his six month mark, earrings for her, a bracelet. The one Codsworth handed her was different, really small and marked with a date unlike the others. This was supposed to be open just days after the bombs fell, if things had gone how they were supposed to, just like normal.

She opened it and found a holotape inside, rattling around loosely. She took it out and rotated her arm with her Pip-Boy around it, finding a slot for the holotape and she plugged it in, issuing the prompts for her to play it.

 _"Oops, ha ha. . .Keep those little fingers away. . .Ah, there we go,"_ she fell back into the couch, holding a hand over her mouth as tears weld up at the sound of her baby. _"Just say it right there. . .right there. . .go ahead. . ."_ she hiccuped at the sound of Shaun giggling at the other end, her head back and hand covering her tear-soaked eyes. _"Hi honey, listen. . ."_ she looked down at the speaker at his prompt. _"I don't think Shaun and I need to tell you how great of a mother you are. But we're going to anyway. You are kind, and loving, and funny,"_ she imagined him flinching, as she did, when Shaun screamed and then proceeded to giggle and talk in his baby language. _"That's right, and patient. So patient, the patience of a saint as you mother used to say."_

She hiccuped again, leaning forward onto her knees. She couldn't believe she got to hear his voice again, her baby, how life was before. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to listen to this, but she couldn't stop, couldn't stop thinking of. . .of that monster that took her baby. That took her husband.

 _"Look, with Shaun and us all being home together, it's been an amazing year, but even so I know our best days are yet to come. There will be changes sure, things we'll need to adjust to. I'll rejoin the civilian workforce, you'll shake the dust off your law degree. But everything we do, no matter how hard, Gen?"_ Her name, he said her name; she tightened the fingers over her mouth. _"We do it for our family. . .Now, say goodbye Shaun. . .Bye bye, say bye bye,"_ There was a smack, like the holotape had been knocked to the floor, and she could hear Nate laughing while Shaun talked in the background. " _Bye honey, we love you."_

Gen stared down at the holotape as it was ejected, waiting to be pulled out, and she wiped at her tears. She couldn't believe it, she couldn't believe. . .she would get to hear his voice again, promising a normal life with their baby.

Her fists curled up on her knee and she looked up, eyes narrowed in anger. "I need my gun."

* * *

 ** _yeah, things seem a bit wonky, but next chapter it all evens out, i've never written for Fallout before and i've been just loving it so far and wanted to write something for Fallout 4 so here we are. let me know what you think!_**

 ** _no, i don't capitalize in my author's notes._**

 ** _also, this is a part of a collection called_** _Letters **. the collection bounces between several fandoms, including Law and Order: SVU, Twilight, more Fallout stories and just whatever else can pop up. they all have a similar title like this ( Letters To My Mother, Letters To My Father, Letters To My Master, etc )**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**so, i figured each chapter, until around ten, would cover the major events, and maybe some minor ones as well if the chapter isn't long enough just covering the main events. i just don't want to bore you guys dragging through one quest for like five chapters. everyone does that, and i want to get to the main points fast so you guys don't think that it's just another story out there that's copy-n-paste of quests and stuff. . .where was i going with this?**_

 _ **anyway, i hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and just let me know what you think**_

* * *

"Mum, do you believe this is a good idea?"

Gen looked over at Codsworth, tightening her sleeves around her middle. He didn't want her to leave, and she didn't want to either. She was terrified, terrified of what lay beyond that rickety bridge but. . .but she didn't know what other choice she had. He said that there were other people in Concord, and she was. . .she guessed she was going there to see if any of them were reasonable, try to see if they would help.

 _But what if they attack, huh?_

 _What if they just put up a front, play nice, and then while you're sleeping - light's out!_

Gen shook her head, grinding her teeth and then wincing at the ache in her jaw. She had ground her teeth all night, she supposes, curled up on a dirty mattress in the house across the street. She couldn't sleep in her old home, she just couldn't, but she had watched it for a long time through the window in the room she had hidden in. Two cabinets in front of the door, Codsworth holding down the living room, she had only slept maybe three hours and she would regret that but she just couldn't sleep any longer and had been up since two a.m. preparing to go down the road.

She and Codsworth had also scoped out the Red Rocket station, found a dog, a few supplies, some old food in the back and a box labeled _CAPS STASH_. If someone went through the trouble to label bottlecaps and put them in a special box. . .they could be crazy, or it could be significant. She had found another box in the house down the street, so maybe they were important in this new world? She had no idea, but something insisted that she kept them, this time in one box in a back back.

"Codsworth, I have to go and just see if anyone is reasonable. . .I have to find Shaun," Codsworth sighed. "I'll be careful, okay, I have this lean, mean killin' machine to protect me," she scratched at the dogs dusty head and his sticky tongue lolling out of his mouth. "I promise to be fine, Codsworth. If anything happens, I swear I will come running right back."

The dog yipped and spun in a circle, tail wagging fiercely. Gen chuckled and pat his head again, while Codsworth all but growled at him. She suspected Codsworth was jealous that she was bringing the dog and not him, but she couldn't bring a butler to a fight. But a dog that was nearly as fast as the wind, with teeth that seemed to be made out of steel and the know-how of a trained officer?

Yeah, yeah she could bring him and not worry.

She'd watched him tear through a horribly mutated deer's conjoined throat like it was butter and he was the hot knife. He knew how to fight, whoever had owned him before had trained him well. She had only ever seen dogs like him when Nate took her to the V.A. for his check-ups. She could see the dogs being trained, or just being caught up on their training while their trainers were waiting for their appointments. They were always so well behaved and kind of scared her because they seemed so vicious with their bared teeth and snarls.

But now, it didn't scare her, he made her feel safe because he was so scary and smart.

He made her feel strong, having a companion like him.

"I believe you, Mum," Codsworth reached out and clasped her arm as gently as he could with those pincer hands. "I will keep charge of the home front!" he saluted, just like Nate had taught him.

Gen smiled and saluted right back at him, slapping her hand against her thigh to get the dog to follow. He did with a soft yip and they began down the road, Gen holding her gun out and on full display, she didn't want someone to think she was just some innocent traveler. She hoped she didn't have to fight, she really didn't want to, she didn't even know if she could. . .

But, Nate had taught her how to better defend herself on their third date.

And she would never forget that night.

* * *

She forgot! She forgot every damn thing!

Gen screamed and ducked behind the sandbags as a bullet went whizzing above her head, thanking the good Lord that she had ducked just in time. She let out a shuddering breath as she struggled to reload her gun, having emptied an entire clip into only one guy and she could still hear him screaming in pain; he was possibly just bleeding out - how could she say someone was just bleeding out?

Gen shuddered again as she finally got the clip into her gun and she peered around the edge of the bags, watching her dog leap onto a man and grab him by the throat. They crashed to the ground with a hard thud, the man beneath the furry death machine firing twice into the air as blood ebbed out onto the concrete. Claws tore at his chest and stomach, opening skin and revealing blood before he snapped the mans neck and stumbled backwards. He shook his fur, droplets of crimson going every which way and he barked in her direction before turning and slinking down into a stalking stance towards a woman firing up at the balcony above the old museum.

"What will I ever do if he turns on me?" she murmured and watched red streak through the air, from one man frantically cranking up a rifle from the balcony.

It sounded so scary, with a loud boom and then it had turned two women to ash right before her eyes. She remembered those types of guns, but they weren't allowed to the general public. Laser, but she didn't remember them -

"Focus, Gen, _focus_ ," she hissed at herself, launching out of her hiding spot and charging down the road, gun down as she slid into new cover.

She peered around that, to the dog tearing down the woman he had been stalking. One man left, and he was hiding in a building across the street, where the man on the balcony couldn't get to. But the guy on the balcony wasn't there anymore, and Gen wondered if she had even really seen him.

"Get off me you filthy mutt!"

Gen growled, coming out from her cover and ready to charge over as the mans shotgun came down on the top of the dogs skull. She heard a loud yelp and whimper, the dog jumping back but he lunged again with new ferocity and Gen stopped in the middle of the street as she heard the blood-curdling scream of a man being torn apart. She cleared her throat, feeling her stomach begin to do that tightening thing an -

She hurled all over her boots.

Her entire, tiny body jerked and lurched as she heaved up contents of a breakfast two centuries old, and the bits of Cram she had wolfed down the night before. She stumbled back onto her ass, falling to her side and shivering as she dry heaved after a long moment of vomiting into the concrete. The dog trotted out in front of her, shaking loose his fur and then he looked over at her with this dopey smile.

That dog was scary.

But the idea that she had to keep doing this. . .was even scarier. How could she bravely watch men and women be torn apart in front of her eyes? How could she keep doing this? And she hadn't even really been help! Her new companion had done most of the work, which made her sad because a dog had better resolve than her. She had seen some nasty stuff before the war, when she was still a lawyer. She had stared down hardened thugs, people just as dangerous and scary, willing to do the same things as these people she had just fought against.

But it was different, using the law to keep safe behind, than a gun in her hand and having to come teeth-to-teeth with one of those criminals.

"I might be sick again," she wiped at her chin, pushing herself up to her knees as the dog sniffed around her knees; _ew no, no don't lick the - great, great he's licking my vomit._ "I can do this," she pushed herself up to her feet, staggering to the right a little, scooping her gun up from the ground. "I can do this, I can find my baby. I can find someone that isn't _running on pure hatred and bullets!_ " she screamed at the bodies, kicking the closest one to her.

"Hey! Hey you!" she looked up at the balcony; so he was real. "We could really use some help in here, grab that laser musket and help us! Please!"

 _Laser what?_

Gen didn't have time to say no, because he was already gone, leaving the door hanging open, and she could hear the sound of bullets and that heavy boom of a laser fighting inside. There were more? How many more? Why did she have to help them? How many people needed help inside? What if she couldn't - no, no she had to find Shaun, she couldn't - no, no she had _just_ said that she could do this.

Gen straightened up, tightening her hold on her gun and then she immediately bent over to vomit once again.

* * *

"That was. . . _impressive_."

Gen panted on the floor, her legs shaking as she braced her hands between her knees. She looked up at this man, Preston, the one that had been screaming for her to help. There were four other people in here, and they all looked so tired, one looked really mean, one was losing his mind on the floor, an old lady was just staring at her like she knew her, the dog at her heels like a loyal companion.

And then there was this guy with big hair playing a computer game.

Like he wasn't close to being executed some five minutes ago. Two of those bad guys were banging at the door, trying to kick it in, and she had the privilege of shooting one in the back a couple of times. It distracted the other long enough for the door to open and for Preston to shoot him in the back and turn him to ash.

"Thanks, you were too," she held a hand up and let Preston haul her to her feet.

"You're timing is impeccable, but I think the dogs was even better."

Gen chuckled. "He's scary, yeah?

"I think scary is an understatement," he shook his head and then gave her a sympathetic look. "Look. . .I know you probably don't want to help us anymore but. . ."

Gen's chest tightened. "But what?"

"But we could really use your help."

* * *

 _The holy fuck is that?! What the bloody hell could make such a monstrosity?! Is that a fucking t-rex?! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck -_

Gen ran for her life, sweating beneath the power armor helmet while Preston had a nice, cozy, safe spot above on the balcony. Dogmeat - yeah, that's the dogs fucking name - dodged that monster like a pro, snapping his jaws and leaping out of the way of those heavy claws like he could see where they would go next. There were still some of those. . . _raiders?_ Yeah, raiders, out and they were shooting at the monster while Gen tried to figure out just what the Hell she was gonna do.

She ducked into a building just halfway down the street; as soon as that thing dug its way up from Hell apparently, it had wanted to go for her throat and not the ten or so people around it already so she ran and now she was hiding. She had heavy armor and a big gun - which was a bitch to carry, by the way - but she couldn't even bring herself to peak out the damn door. Her labored breath echoed around her face, but she had to be thankful for the mask that circulated the air or she would have died already.

She took a deep breath, and mustered up that little sliver of courage she had left, and stepped out onto the front porch. Did she have enough cover here? It couldn't take much to bring that thing down, it was already seeping blood from so many bullet holes. She had a minigun, several hundred bullets at a time, this had to work. So she pressed down on the trigger, watching the barrel speed up, and then she was raining bullets down on that beast. The boots of her suit locked to keep her from moving backwards, and she struggled to aim the barrel but she managed and it roared in anger; its eyes honed in on her, and Gen gulped loudly.

Its roar shook the very ground beneath her feet and Gen's entire body bristled up an inch and she let go of the trigger. The barrel began to slow, but her boots hadn't unlocked yet and that _thing_ was running towards her on all fours!

It crashed through the wood of the porch, knocking her stiff suit back and then it decided to unlock. It roared in her face, drool dripping down onto her lenses and its teeth came down around the helmet. Gen screamed, hearing the helmet straining to keep together against the force of its jaws, but it didn't give. Gen panicked, her brain trying to catch up with something she could do; these suits could handle dropping through the atmosphere, how could this thing hope to tear her out of it?

Gen swallowed thickly and reached her hand out, groping for something. it had shattered the porch, there had to be - her hand closed around something thick and she swung it up, jamming it into the monsters neck. Its jaws released and it wailed, stumbling back as blood dripped down its side. Dogmeat came in from the side, leaping up onto the monsters body and his teeth closed around the wood. He seemed to push it in more, snarling the entire way, blood coating him from head to toe.

Gen pushed herself to her feet and reached for one of the boards still attached to the porch, yanking it out of its place and charging, full speed, forward and rammed the wood into its gut. It roared again, claws swiping at Gen and knocking her away with a grunt. She crashed loudly to the ground, suit hissing at all of the strain she had put it through already, and she heard a loud thud. Claws raked across the concrete while Gen's head swam from being knocked around inside of the helmet; she was developing a thumping headache.

A wet nose came sniffing, soft whimpers coming from a tired muzzle covered in blood. Gen groaned as the suit opened, power core indicating it was spent, and she reached up to pet Dogmeat with her sore hand. She looked at the red streaked across her palm after petting Dogmeat, realizing just how bloody he was.

"Oh boy," she sighed, looking up at his happy, victorious face. "You are such a good boy," he buried his head into her bosom as she wrapped her arms around him. "Such a good boy. . ."


End file.
